Breaking The Habit Begins

So, my body and I aren't on speaking terms. I haven't been taking very good care of it and it's been getting its revenge on me in the form of headaches, aches and pains, and various illnesses. I'm overweight, have fibromyalgia, chronic allergies, IBS, POS, carpal tunnel, arthritis, asthma, insomnia, bipolar, and who-knows-what-else. I eat a lot of fried food cus I'm lazy and I started smoking cigarettes to deal with stress. I'm pale cus I don't go outside much and I've got dark circles around my eyes and teeth that are rotting away because of medication I was on combined with the cigarettes. I look like the walking dead, no zombie virus needed. 

I hate the state of myself. I wasn't always like this. I've been pretty sickly since I was 15, but I took more pride in my appearance. I've never been perfect and I've never considered myself attractive, but I could at least look at myself in the mirror without wanting to cry. I could blame it on the psychotic first husband I had that was abusive and didn't let me go out or make friends, or the man-whore boyfriend I had for two years after that, or even my current husband who had an affair on me and two months later began to harass me about adding a third person to our marriage because that's what he'd always wanted (and of course it had to be a girl..someone for HIM to play with). The truth is though, I stopped giving a damn about myself some time during those three relationships. 

It's been growing inside me though.. the feeling of malcontent. I'm resenting a lot of things in my life and I've finally decided that I'm going to make a change. I've never been brave enough to turn my life completely upside down, but I'm going to start fixing the things that make me the most miserable. I'm starting with my health. 

Enough is enough. 

Friday, the second of March 2013, I quit smoking. I knew that I would get snacky during the detox process, so I've cheated and bought myself only healthy foods.. and none of it can be fried. I'm not putting myself on a diet, I'm not counting calories.. I've tried that dozens of times before and I'm just not built that way. What I'm doing is simply retraining myself. When I feel snacky, I've got no choice but to snack on something healthy. When I want a meal, it'll be something a lot healthier than what I've been eating. I've got fruit like strawberries and oranges and they satisfy my sweet tooth instead of going for chocolate cake or cookies. Friday went surprisingly well. I didn't have a cigarette and I didn't even cheat and have a drag off my husband's. When the feeling hit in the back of my throat that made me feel like I was longing for a cigarette the way a vampire would thirst for blood, I just drank fruit juice or ice cold water and it went away. 

Today I woke up coughing my head off. It's partly because of the detox process, but partly because I had a bad cold forming before I even decided to quit. I've had my ice cold drinks though and have been sucking on Halls cough drops off and on all day. The cravings have been stronger today than they were yesterday, but I've been a good girl and still not had a cigarette. Keeping in mind the fact that I have other family members smoking around me all the time, I'm pretty proud of myself. I decided to write this blog in the hope that by reading it, I can keep myself strong in my resolution.. and in writing it, I can fight the cravings with action and keep a record of my struggle. 

I've started this blog weighing 16 stone 7lb. At the end of two weeks, I'll weigh myself and see if I lost any weight with my healthier eating and drinking.